When I lost my child, I went into auto-pilot. It was literally an out of body experience. My normally outspoken attributes were lost. There were so many things I wanted to say but didn't or couldn't. At the time, I couldn't articulate these things. My family and friends thought they knew what was best for me and I was too weak to rebel. Honestly, I wish I had signs that I could just hold up whenever I felt a certain way. So many moms are "feeling feels" they've never felt before and don't … Read More »
My Baby Died: Today is her birthday.
This morning I woke up with the intention of publishing another post about my lazy, ungrateful, frustrating and yet absolutely hilarious children. When my feet touched the floor as I got out of bed, my heart fluttered and I felt a familiar uneasy nervousness. My stomach felt queezy, my hands were shaking as I brushed my teeth. I didn't know whether I needed to go to the bathroom or pace. It wasn't an anxiety attack, but I was close. Stop. Breath. In the nose. Out of the mouth. I told … Read More »
How I Feel About “Everybody Else’s Parents”
If you are anything like me, the words "Mommy can I..." make your skin crawl. The older children get the more outrageous (and expensive) the requests. At least when they were younger, I could promise them a pet dinosaur "tomorrow" and make them forget about it with a scoop of ice cream. Now, as a general practice, I pretty much just say "no" before my older girls get the actual request out. I just go ahead and set them up for disappointment before they get too excited. They … Read More »
I didn’t use meds when I delivered my baby…or Did I?
Every mother has been a part of those conversations. You know the ones. You’re sitting next to a mother with a big, juicy, chunky baby and you compliment her on how big, juicy, and chunky the baby is and then she proudly tells you that she delivered the baby naturally with no medication…and he was NINE POUNDS at birth. The hell YOU say! Then, she proceeds to tell her birthing story. Now, unless you have delivered a bigger baby or delivered your baby in the wilderness, she has just … Read More »