In a few short days Valentine’s Day will be here. If you have teen and tween daughters, get ready for drama. Think about when you were that age and hoping you would get a Valentine’s Day gift from the boy you swore would be your husband. After all, you practiced writing his last name with yours 1,000 times so you were practically engaged. Remember sending out your spies to find out if he’s going to get you something?
It didn’t really matter what they said as long as there was one little glimmer of hope that he would point to you as being “his” on Valentine’s Day when everyone was watching. On February 14, it seemed like “everyone” got their stuff but yours never came. Heartache. Embarrassment. Depression.
We’d hate him if he made someone else his Valentine but would still “love” him if he decided to remain silent on that day, even if he didn’t make a basic attempt to write a lame poem on notebook paper and draw a rose on it. He probably had a good reason, right?
Some of us have grown and learned from this experience and some of us are still waiting on that Valentine.
Unless you are a unicorn, at some point in your life you have liked a boy more than he liked you. Shoot, it even happened to Beyonce’ and Halle. If you claim it didn’t, you are either in denial or have trauma-induced amnesia.
This year Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday and not on a school day, fortunately. Unfortunately, the internet is always open for declarations of “love” to be made to the whole world and not just the school like it was back in the day. So as this day approaches, here’s what I’ll tell my teen and tween daughters:
- First of all, you aren’t old enough to have a “boyfriend.” He’s a boy you might be crushing on and he might be crushing on you. Don’t let me hear you call some boy “boyfriend” until you are at least sixteen.
- Don’t be a sucker. He can send the same text message to 100 girls at a time while he’s on FaceTime with another one. So if the basis for your “relationship” is in some text messages and nothing else, you might be getting played. His putting your name and your “anniversary” in his bio on Instagram doesn’t mean a thing. He can always tell the other ones that you are his “play” cousin.
- If a boy likes you, he makes you feel special EVERY day. Valentine’s Day is a day. If he truly likes you, he will make it CLEARLY known and he won’t wait until Valentine’s Day. See #2
- If he wants to Facetime, text, or call you after 10pm, you are not his Number One. First of all, if you’re my kid, you aren’t supposed to be doing any of that stuff after 9:30pm. Second of all, if he’s trying to reach you after that time, that’s because he has already talked to his Number One and she is either doing her homework or is asleep already. See #2.
- Candies, bears, balloons, cards, and even handwritten poems don’t mean a thing! If you want me to, I can send you all that stuff and I’ll even make it seem like they are from a secret admirer or from your “out of town” boyfriend. That’s what half your friends’ parents do anyway. They won’t know unless we tell them. You can SnapChat it, Instagram it, Tweet it, or whatever so you can keep up your street cred, if that’s what they still call it. AND! Even if he did have $50 to spend for Valentine’s Day, he could spend $5 on ten of y’all and you would swear he spent a million. See #2.
- Be your own Valentine! If you let someone know they have control over your emotions they will abuse them…every time, honey. It’s okay to let a lil boy know you have room in your heart to like someone (because you ain’t in love), but they will never have a bigger space in your heart than YOU have in your heart, okay?
- It isn’t about your hair, your clothes, or lack of makeup. If someone is going to love you, they will love you and there won’t be anything you can do about it. Hair, makeup, and clothes won’t make someone care about you. I say this, of course, in the interest of modest. Dressing like a stripper and wearing so much makeup you look like a drag queen is not it.
- I know you will ignore my advice so let me go ahead and say “I told you!” Yes. You will. I’m your momma and I know you. I went through the process of writing this so that, after you have that “experience it for myself” and “I wanna make my own mistakes” moment you can read these instructions on what not to do the next time.
- Don’t tell me where he lives.
I’m Joslyn Jackson. I have so many kids that I have to stop and take a headcount sometimes. This is my blog. That guy is my husband and he runs the circus. I am also a lawyer who loves to write about the absolute insanity that is my life. I started this blog to embarrass my children. That is my number one goal. If you are entertained in the meantime…great.
My goal as a mother is simple: If I have to keep them I may as well have fun. After all those pregnancies, I need some entertainment as appreciation. Oh wait, I have another simple goal: Not to let my kids make me look old before my time.
That’s it! Love, Peace and Souuuuuuuuuuullllllll!
Graphic Credit: http://www.polyvore.com/fine_art_print_gesture_asl/thing?context_id=3137265&context_type=lookbook&id=97654144